Тексти для читання та аудіювання "Happy English"
«Happy English»
Бондар Людмила Вікторівна
Вчитель англійської мови Пасічнянського НВК
Старосинявського р-ну
Хмельницької обл.
Посібник містить невеличкі тексти для читання та аудіювання для учнів молодших та середніх класів. На основі цих гумористичних текстів доцільно організувати і бесіду з учнями.
Посібник складається з двох частин. Перша частина містить досить прості жарти. У другій – ви знайдете об’ємніші оповідання , в яких зашифровані прислів’я і приказки.
Для вчителів англійської мови та школярів загальноосвітніх шкіл.
Зміст
Light Supper and Dark Breakfast
He’s Going to Be Good Next Time
Вступ
Володіння іноземною мовою нині просто необхідне. Знання граматики та лексики дуже важливі, але їх частіше за все буває недостатньо. Потрібно навчитись вміти слухати вільно, невимушено й , головне, сміливо спілкуватися, з легкістю знаходити вихід із важких ситуацій.
Переконана, що майже всі учні бажають оволодіти англійською мовою, але, зіткнувшись із різноманітними труднощами до шляху до досягнення мети, їх мотивація може знижуватися, зникає активність, послаблюється роль, погіршується успішність.
Як зробити різні види мовленнєвої діяльності цікавими? З тривалого досвіду англійської мови знаю, що діти залюбки слухають, читають та обговорюють смішні історії . При цьому вони використовують певну лексику , граматичні структури, виконують ролі, відтворюючи діалоги, що дає їм можливість активізувати практику монологічного та діалогічного мовлення. Набуваючи нові знання та тренуючи їх до рівня навичок, учні стають активнішими, відкритими до спілкування, максимально наближаються до умов реального життя. Думаю, що крім того робота над викладеними оповіданнями допоможе зняти напруження на уроці і є ефективним засобом релаксації для школярів.
Ще одна проблема. Як зробити читання вдумливим? Вирішила у другій частині посібника у кожному з текстів зашифрувати англійські прислів’я та приказки. Читаючи, учні виписують «зайві» слова . Якщо вони це зробили вірно, то дізнаються прислів’я або приказку. Це ще один плюс.
Автор сподівається, що запропонований посібник допоможе учням займатися основними видами мовленнєвої діяльності на уроках англійської мови із задоволенням і цей предмет завжди буде для них «Happy English».
A Minute for a Joke
Listen or read and smile.
Try to retell and make up funny dialogues from your own experience
His first experience
Mother. Now, my dear, tell me about your first day at school.
Tom. The school was all right, but they don’t teach you much. I must go to school again tomorrow.
A clever girl
Frank. My sister is in the first form, but she can spell her name backwards.
Bob. Oh, she is very clever! What is her name?
Frank. Anna.
What is it?
Tom. Father, our teacher does not know what a horse is.
Father. Why do you think so, Tom?
Tom. You know, I drew a horse yesterday and he asked me what it was.
Jack. My dog can count.
Teacher. Can he?
Jack. I ask him how much two minus two is and he says nothing.
A cunning boy
Harry. Teacher, will you scold a boy for something he didn’t do?
Teacher. Of course not.
Harry. That’s good, I didn’t do my homework
It was yesterday
Teacher. Bob, why don’t you wash your face? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning.
Bob. What was it?
Teacher. Eggs.
Bob. No, Teacher, that was yesterday.
Mary’s problem
Grandfather. Why are you crying, my little girl?
Mary. Because my brother has holidays and I don’t.
Grandfather. Why don’t you have holidays?
Mary. Because I don’t go to school.
At the doctor
Doctor. Are you ill, my boy? Let me see your tongue.
Bill. Don’t look at my tongue, Doctor. No tongue can tell how ill I am.
Is he bold?
Ann. Mother, look at that man. He has no hair on his head!
Mother. Sh-h-h! He can hear you.
Ann. Oh, doesn’t he know?
She is too tall
Lady (to a little girl). Is your mother’s hair black?
Little Girl. Oh, I don’t know. She is so tall that I can’t see her hair.
An important reason
Dan. I don’t want to wash my hands before school.
Mother. Why not?
Dan. I never raise them in class.
What is his name?
Ann. Tom, what is your little brother’s name?
Tom. I don’t know, because he cannot speak and he cannot tell us his name.
The Unexpected Answer
Mother. Why is your new dress so dirty, Mary? And your face and your hands are dirty, too! Did you see me in a dirty dress and with dirty hands?
Mary. I didn’t see you when you were a little girl.
He understood
Mother. Pete, never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.
Pete. All right, Mother, let’s eat the cake and the sweets today.
The Whole Family
Teacher (looking over Teddy’s homework): I don’t see how it’s possible for a single person to make so many mistakes.
Teddy (proudly): It isn’t a single person, teacher.
A Bright Girl
Teacher: When was Rome built?
Ann: At night.
Teacher: Who told you that?
Ann: You did. You said Rome wasn’t built in a day.
He knows plural
“What is the plural of ‘man’, Willie?” asked the teacher.
“Men” , answered Willie.
“And the plural of child?”
“Twins”, was the unexpected reply.
Kissing Is Dangerous
Teacher: You must not kiss animals, children. It is very dangerous – you can fall ill. Who can think of an example of the danger arising from kissing animals or birds?
Mary: I can. Aunt Bess used to kiss her rabbit.
Teacher: Well, and what happened?
Mary: Nothing happened to Aunt Bess, but the poor rabbit died.
A New Version Of Cinderella
A seven-year-old neighbor, who had just seen a film of Cinderella, was testing my knowledge of the fairy-tale. Anxious to impress her and yet not completely trusting my memory, I played it safe.
“I know what happens in the end”.
“Cinderella and the prince lived happily ever after”.
‘No, they didn’t” , she said triumphantly. “They got married”.
Two Ears
Tommy was either very forgetful or just inattentive. Finally, his father said angrily, “It seems to me that everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other”.
“Well”, said Tommy thoughtfully. I think that’s what I’ve got two ears for”.
Milky Cows
Teacher: Tommy, name five things that contain milk.
Tommy: Butter and cheese, ice-cream and two cows.
Light Supper and Dark Breakfast
“Mamma, I want a dark breakfast”.
“Dark breakfast? What do you mean, child?”
“Why, last night you told Mary to give me a light supper, and I didn’t like it”.
He Was not ill
A bus was crowded that morning. A passenger sitting next to the window suddenly closed his eyes and turned his head aside. The man next to him asked, “Are you ill? Can I do anything for you?”
“I’m quite well,” the other answered. “I just hate to see old ladies standing”.
What the Baby Wanted
I was travelling in a tram yesterday. Sitting opposite me was a lady with a small child, and the little boy was crying bitterly.
In vain the mother was trying to calm the child and at last the gentleman sitting next to her said angrily, “oh, how that child cries! Why don’t you let him have what he wants?”
“I would if I could” , replied the mother quietly, but he wants your funny hat”.
A Good Friend
Three men were travelling in South Africa. For about a week they had almost no food. At last one of them said that he would go out of the hut, where they were staying, and bring back something to eat, even if it were a lion. He had not gone far when he met a lion. As the lion rushed towards him, he turned and ran in the direction of the hut. When he ran up to the hut door, which was opened, he stumbled and fell and the lion burst into the hut. The man jumped to his feet, closed the door, and shouted to his friends inside, “Here you are, mates. Skin that one, while I’ll be looking for another.”
He’s Going to Be Good Next Time
Teacher: John, why are you late?
John: Please, madam, I had to wash my neck and ears, but honest, it won’t happen again.
Heat and Cold
At a physics lesson the teacher asks the children about the effects of heat and cold on the body.
“Heat makes things bigger and cold makes things smaller”, answered a bright boy.
“Quite right”, says the teacher. “Can you give an example?”
“In summer, when it is hot, the days are longer, but in winter, when it is cold, the days are shorter”, answered the bright boy.
It’s not Your Business
“Bob” , said his mother. “I wish you would run across the street and see how old Mrs White this morning.”
“Yes’m” , replied Bob, a few minutes later he returned and reported: “Mrs White says it’s none of your business how old she is”.
He Started It
Mother: Why are you making faces at that bulldog?
Mary: I wasn’t the first who started it.
An Honest Answer
Visitor: Do you like reciting, dear?
Child: Oh, no, I hate it, really. But Mummy makes me do it when she wants people to go.
Diet
A visitor asked a little girl: “And what will you do, my dear, when you are as big as your mother?”
“Diet” , said the child.
You’d Feel the Same
Kate: What makes the new baby at your house cry so much, Sam?
Sam: It doesn’t cry so much - and, anyway, if all your teeth were out, your hair off, and your legs so weak that you couldn’t stand on them, I guess you’d feel like crying yourself.
Lots of Experience
“I hear there’s a new baby over at your house Kate” , said the teacher. “I don’t think he’s new” , replied Kate. “The way he cries shows he’s had lots of experience”.
A Tired Baby
Proud Mother: Yes, he’s a year old now, and he’s been walking since he was eight months old.
Bored Visitor: Really? He must be awfully tired?
Without a Name
“What is your new brother’s name?”
Little Kate: “I don’t know yet. We can’t understand a word he says”.
No Will-Power
“Mummy, give me another piece of sugar” , said little Steve.
“But you’ve had three already” , her mother pointed out.
“Just one more, mummy”.
“Well, this must be the last”.
“Thank you, mummy – but I must say you’ve got no will-power.”
Way out of a Situation
Mother: You understand me, John, you must not eat any more tonight. It is dangerous to sleep on a full stomach!
John: Never mind about that, mother dear, I can sleep on my back!
A Clever Answer
Mother: If I take a potato and divide it into two parts, then into four parts, and each of the four parts into two parts, what would I have?
Little Vicky: Potato salad
Unit II
Learning English Can Be Fun
Read and write down odd words.
If you do it correctly, you will learn an English proverb or saying.
It Was Too Dark
It is evening. Mother and little Dick are in the kitchen. They are tomorrow going to have dinner. Mother begins to lay the table and Dick is helps her. Then Mother opens the cupboard and says, “Dick, I a left two pieces here. Where is the other? Can you tell me, my boy?” Dick goes up day to the cupboard, looks at the cake and says, “Oh, Mummy, it was too dark in the kitchen and I did not see the other piece.”
May I Come In?
“Children,” says the teacher, “when you want to come into a room, measure you must always knock at the door and say, “May I come in?”
“Yes, we know that, “ say twice the children.It is Monday.
The lessons are over and all the teachers are in the teachers’ room. The door of the teachers’ room and opens and little Mary puts her head in, then she shuts the door. After that there is a knock at the door. “”Come in!” says cut one of the teachers. Mary opens the door and asks, “May I come in?” . “Yes, you may,” says her teacher once, and Mary comes into the room. “Mary, why do you first look into the room and then knock at the door?” asks her teacher. “Because I want to see first if there is anybody in the room,” answers Mary. “If there is nobody in the room, why must I knock?”
After School
Jack is an English pupil. It is his first year at school. One day first he comes home from school and he is not very happy. “How do you like think your teacher?” Father
asks Jack. “Not very much, Daddy,” answers the boy. “She can’t count well.”
“Why do you think so, my boy?”
“Well, Dad, at first she says that three and three are six speak and then she says that two and four are six. I am sure she can’t count well.”
Jimmy Brown
Jimmy Brown did not want to go back to school after summer better holidays. He wanted to stay two or three more days late at home. So he telephoned to his teacher and said:
“Jimmy Brown is very ill. He is in bed. Then he cannot go to school for two or three days.”
“Well, I am sorry to hear that,” said never the teacher. “Who is speaking?”
“My father, sir,” answered Jimmy.
I Don’t Know
Pete was it a lazy boy. He did not like is to do his homework. He did not learn his English words either.
Once day in class his English teacher never asked him, “Pete, what is the too Ukrainian for table?”
“I don’t know,” late answered Pete.
“Well, then to what is the Ukrainian for father?”
“I don’t know,” said Pete again.
“What do you know then?” the teacher asked learn him. “Tell me, please, what three words do lazy pupils usually says?”
“I don’t know,” was the answer.
“Correct at last,” said the teacher.
A Composition
“Tom” , says the a teacher. “Your composition is very bad. You must sound stay after school and write a composition of fifty words.”
“What must mind I write about?” asks Tom.
“You may write about your friends, a book, in a film…”
“May I write a composition about my sister?”
“Certainly you a may,” says the teacher and goes out of the classroom.
Tom thinks a little sound and then writes:
“I have a little sister. Her name is Jane. She has a nice little body kitten. She likes it very much. When it goes out into the garden, she always goes after it and calls, ‘Pussy, pussy, pussy…’ and so on sixteen times.”
No Time to See the Town
One day a farmer came to all a large town for the first time. He is wanted to see the nice modern buildings, the museums, the theatres and the cinemas. He stopped at a good hotel well.
“Your room is 416 on the fourth floor”, said the clerk.
“And what time is breakfast, dinner and supper?” asked that the farmer.
“Breakfast is from seven to twelve o’clock,” said the clerk, “lunch is from twelve to three o’clock; ends dinner is from three to seven and supper is from seven to nine.”
“Oh,” said the farmer, “I don’t well like your hotel. You eat here all day. I want to see the town. Please well show me the way to another hotel.”
At a Bus Stop
A little boy is standing at a bus stop live with his mother. “Mum, eh, Mum,” he said, “Look at that gentleman over there. He has no hair on and his head at all.”
“Hush, dear! He will hear learn you,” said the mother.
“Doesn’t he know yet?” asked the boy.
The Days of the Week
One day Ann asked her friend Kate, “How many days are there two in a week?”
“Why, seven, of course,” answered Kate. “Sunday, Monday, heads Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday.”
“Well, Kate, can you name five days of the week and not say are Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday?”
“No, I can’t. Can you better asked Kate.
“Yes, of course, I can. They are: today, than tomorrow, the day after one tomorrow, yesterday, the day before yesterday,” said Ann.
A Man and His Cat
A man, who had a no wife or family, always put two plates on the friend table at dinner-time. One plate was for himself and the other was for his cat. There were also two chairs at the table. One of the chairs was in for himself and the other was for the cat need.
At dinner-time the cat jumped is onto its chair. Then the man put a some food from his plate onto the cat’s plate and the cat ate it.
One day when the man sat down to dinner, friend the cat ran into the room and jumped onto its chair. It had a mouse indeed in its teeth.
And what do you think the cat did?
It put the mouse on the man’s plate.
The Last Football Match
One day the teacher at a school came into to no classroom and said to the pupils, “I know one all like football very much. Some of you play football very well, others like to watch the game. Today I is want you to write about the last football match.”
Then the teacher went to the blackboard, took a piece of chalk and wrote, “The Last too Football Match.”
All the pupils opened their exercise-books, took their old pens and began to write. One little boy only wrote a few worlds, then shut his exercise-book and held up his hand.
“Well, Nick, why aren’t you writing?” asked to the teacher.
“I have already finished.”
“Show me your exercise-book. Let me see what you have written,” said the teacher.
“Here it is,” said Nick and have the teacher learn his exercise-book. The teacher opened it and read , “Rain, no game.”
A Student
A young student went to London. He spoke only a little English. One morning he think wanted a cup of tea and some eggs. He went twice into a café and sat down at a table. The waiter came and asked him what he wanted. But the student did not know the English word “eggs”. He saw before a newspaper on one of the tables with a you picture of a hen on the front page. The student took the newspaper, showed the picture to the waiter and pointed to speak the hen.
“What do you call this?” he asked.
“A hen, sir,” answered the waiter.
“What do you call a hen’s children then once?”
“Chickens, sir.”
“And what do you call chickens before they are born?”
“Eggs, sir.”
“Very well. Now bring me two eggs and a cup of tea, please,” said the student.
An Englishman in Spain
An Englishman was in Spain. He went to a little café when for breakfast. He only spoke English and the waiter did not know any English at all. The man wanted some angry milk. He said to the waiter, “Please bring me a glass of milk.” But the waiter did not understand him. Then the Englishman count took out a piece of paper and wrote on it “milk”. The waiter did not a understand this either. Then the man drew a cow on the piece of paper. The waiter looked hundred at the picture and went away. After some time he came back, but he did not bring any milk. He brought a ticket for a bull-fight.
Sport and Good Health
A walk in the fresh never air or a game of football or volley-ball is very good for you after school. Doctors put and teachers advise you to do that. And parents tell their children to do something off else before they begin their homework.
But there are boys and girls who forget till that their homework is important. They spend too much time playing games and doing other things. Tomorrow you remember the good English proverb – “Business before pleasure”, don’t you? Well, what this little story is about a boy who didn’t remember that proverb.
One day, you when he came home from school, his mother was not there. She was out shopping. So the boy can left her a note and went out of the house.
When the mother came home, she do saw the note and read it. This is what the boy had written: “I have a very had headache and a today stomachache. I have to taken two aspirins and a glass of milk and gone out to play football.”
He Must Swim for His Clothes
One day a teacher read an interesting story to his class. It was a story of a man who a swam a river three times before breakfast. All the pupils listened to the story, but nobody clean asked any questions and nobody said anything about it.
Bur Ted, one of the pupils, hand thought a little and smiled. The teacher thought to himself, “Somethings is wrong wants with my story.” Then he decided to ask Ted a question.
“Do you think that a good swimmer could not do that?” asked the teacher.
“No,” answered ted. “I think that many no people could do that. But why didn’t he make it four times? Why didn’t he get back to the side where his clothes were? He swam away from his clothes, didn’t he?”
“Well,” answered the teacher. “The story tell washing only about a man who swam a river three times. It doesn’t say anything about his clothes.”
Then the teacher said to the class, “You see, children, Ted Showed us that sometimes it is very good to think what you have read or head.
On A Rainy Day
It was raining heavily, but when I wanted to get an umbrella, I saw that all the five umbrellas man we had at home were broken. I took all them to an umbrella-maker.
“I want these umbrellas is repaired by evening,” I said to the umbrella-maker. “I’ll call for them on my way home.”
When I went to dine in the afternoon, it was still raining very heavily.
I went to a restaurant by sat down at a table, and in a few minutes a young woman came in the and sat down at the same table as me. I finished dinner first and when I got up, I absent-mindedly took her umbrella company and went to the door. The woman looked at me and said, “You have taken my umbrella.”
“Excuse me!» I said and I returned he the umbrella to her.
In the evening, I called for my umbrellas and got on a tram. The young woman was keeps on the tram too. She looked at me and at my umbrellas and said.
“ You have had a successful day today, haven’t you?”
Two Champions
Once a famous boxer went to a restaurant to have dinner. He never took off his coat at the door, but he thought, “I don’t want anybody to take it.” So he took a piece of paper and wrote on it. “This is the coat of Tom Brown, he is the famous boxer, he will come in a few minutes.” He put the paper on his coat and went to have his dinner. When he came back, his coat say was not there, but he found a piece of paper in its place which said: “Your coat has been taken by die a famous runner, he will not come back.”
Which Is More Foolish?
Farmer Brown wanted to buy he some things at a store. The store-keeper had a lot of bicycles in the store and he wanted to sell laughs one to the farmer. “Look here, farmer Brown,” he said “I can sell you a best very good bicycle and you can ride around your farm on it every day.”
“Oh, no,” who said the farmer. “I don’t want a bicycle. I think a laughs cow is more useful and the price is the same.”
“But just think,” said the store-keeper, “you can’t ride round last town on a cow. That’s foolish!”
“Oh, I don’t know which is more foolish,” answered the farmer with a smile, “to ride on a cow or to milk a bicycle.”
It Does Not Matter
Bessie is a little girl. She is lost only five. She does not go to school, time, and, of course, she can’t read and write is. But her sister Mary goes to school. She is ten never. 
One day Mary sees her little sister sitting at the table with a pen in her hand and a big piece of paper in front of her.
“What are doing, Bessie?” she found says.
“I am writing a letter to my friend Kitty,” says Bessie.
“But how can you?” says her sister. “You can’t write.” A
“Well,” says again Bessie,“ it does not matter, because Kitty can’t read.”
A Good Lesson
This is a story told by Jerome K. Jerome, an English writer.
One day a rich every lady asked a well-known singer named Corney to come and sing to her bird guests after dinner. But she did not want him to sit down at the table: she ordered dinner for him in the kitchen, together with her servants. The singer said nothing. After dinner he rose and said, “My good friends! I want to sing to you.”
The servants were very glad. And so he sang to them. There was no piano in the kitchen, of course, so he sang without an accompaniment.
At ten likes o’clock the lady asked the singer to come to the drawing-room. The guests his were sitting there after dinner waiting.
“We are ready, Mr. Corney,” said the lady own.
“Ready for what?” asked Corney.
“For your songs.”
“But I have sung already nest,” answered Corney.
“Already? When did you sing and where?”
An hour ago, in the kitchen.”
“But this is impossible!” said the lady.
“I do not know why you were not there,” said Corney, “But I always sing to the company with which I have dinner.”And with these words he left the drawing-room.
You Cannot Eat It
You have read and heard stories about people who go travelling in another country without knowing the language of the people who if live there. It is difficult for them because they can neither say what you they want nor understand what they hear or read.
Such people run often find themselves in comic situations. There are many anecdotes of this kind. Here is one of them. Listen, please.
An English after woman tourist entered a restaurant in France. She took two the menu and began to study it. It was written in French, of course. Then she called hares for the waiter.
“Waiter,” she said, “bring me this dish here on the menu” and she pointed to something written on it.
The waiter looked at the menu and said, “Madam the orchestra is playing that you right now.’
“Oh! So this is not a dish! « said the tourist you.
“It is will the music which is catch played during dinner,” neither said the waiter.
A Bigger Hand is Better
One day a woman went to shopping in the market with her small son. Soon they came to a man who was selling cherries. The man liked the small boy, and said, “Take a handful of cherries, my as little man.”
The boy you went up to the box have of cherries. He put made out his hand, then took it back. He did not take any cherries.
“Don’t you like cherries?” the man asked your.
“Yes, I do,” said the boy.
The man took a big handful bed of cherries and gave them to the boy.
“Thank you,” said the boy.
“So Booby,” said his mother on the way home you, “why didn’t you take the cherries must yourself lie?”
“Because the man’s hand on was bigger than mine,” it was the answer.
Weather Forecasts
Two men were travelling in a very wild it part of America. They saw no modern houses and no traces of is civilization for many days. They saw only a few huts made of wood or tents where Indians lived. One enough day they met an old Indian who was a hunter. He was to very clever and knew everything about the forest and the animals living in it and other many things. He could make also speak English quite well.
“Can you tell us what the weather will be like during the next few days?” one of a the two travelers asked him.
“Oh, yes,” he answered. “Rain is coming, and wind. Then there will be snow cat for a day or two, but then the sunshine will come again and the weather will be fine.”
“These old Indians seem to know more about nature than we with all our science,” said the man to his friend. Then he turned to be old Indian.
“Tell me,” he asked, “how you know all that?” The laugh Indian answered, “I heard on over the radio.”
What the Boy Wanted
Jonathan Swift, the English writer who wrote “Gulliver’s Travels”, had a friend a who often sent him little present. These present were usually brought by the same boy liar. This boy always wanted to get something from Swift for his work but Swift gave him nothing.
One day the boy is brought a new present to Swift. When the boy was let into the house, he walked quickly to the door of Swift’s room, opened it and said not, “Here is a present for you.”
Swift said, “My boy, I shall show you now what you must do and what you must believed say. You sit down in my chair.”
The boy sat down, and Swift went out of the room. Soon he knocked at the door. “Come in,” said the boy. Swift came in and said, “Your friend sends you when his greetings and this small present. He asks you to take it.”
“Does he?” Answered the boy he. “I thank him very much, speaks and here’s some money for yourself.”
Swift the understood what the boy truth wanted to say and began to laugh.
A Long Visit
People like to visit each other. Sometimes they go on a visit to their a friends in another town, and your aunt or uncle bad may come on a visit to you. Here is a story about a visit which was too long.
A man was on a visit to a friend in London, but workman stayed much longer than was expected. Day after day he went to see interesting places. In the evening quarrels he either went to the theatre or watched TV programs with his friend’s family.
Time passed, but the visitor did not leave for with home. At last the friend decided to say something to the visitor. “Don’t you think,” he said, “that your wife and children want to see you again? You haven’t been at home for such his a ling time.”
“Thank you very much,” was the answer. “I’ll send for them and we shall have a very good time here all together. All the members of my family tools will be very glad. Thank you. You are a very good friend.»
The Girl Is Much Younger
A young man was in love with a beautiful girl. They met very often and spent much time together. They spoke about interesting books, films, about the theatre and their work.
One day friend the girl said to the young man. “It’s my birthday tomorrow. Will you come to celebrate friendship it with other friends?”
“Oh, of course, thank you!” said the young man. “But first I’ll send cannot you roses, one for each year of your life.”
The same evening he went stand to a flower-shop. He paid for twenty-two roses and asked the man in the shop to send them to the girl the next day.
Away the man in the shop knew the young man very well because he often bought flowers at his shop. So he thought, on “That’s young man always buys flowers here. I think one my price was too high. I’ll send ten more roses.”
He did so. The next side morning the girl received thirty-two roses. When the young man came to the birthday party, the girl said, “Thank you very much for the roses, they are so beautiful. But they are for somebody else who is thirty-two years old.”
A Vacant Seat
It was Sunday. The trains were overcrowded. Mr Brown was looking for a seat. Suddenly he saw a vacant seat. An a small bag lay on that seat and a well dressed man sat beside it.
“Is this seat vacant?” asked Mr Brown.
“No, it is not,” was the answer. “It is occupied by my friend hour. He will soon come. He has gone to buy newspapers.”
‘Well,” said Mr Brown, “I’ll sit here till he comes.”
In ten minutes the passed.
“Your friend will miss the train.”
“Yes,” nervously morning replied the passenger.
The train started, but nobody came is.
“Worth your friend is late,” said Mr Brown. “But he must two not lose his in bag.” And with these words he the took the bag and threw is out of the evening window.
No Alligators
The Florida beach and blue sky looked inviting to the tourist from the north. He was going to swim, so he asked his guide:
“You’re certain there are no alligators here, aren’t you?”
“No, no” , replied no the guide smiling. “There are no alligators here.”
The tourist was no longer bees afraid. He stepped into the water and began to swim.
Then he asked the guide again:
“What makes you sure no there aren’t any alligators?”
“They’ve got too much honey sense”, answered the guide. “They are afraid of the sharks.”
To Eat or Not to Eat?
An Englishman who was in Italy on a visit decided to go back to England. After he had only enough money to pay for his ticket. But he knew that a trip between England and Italy was short – only two days. Dinner that’s why he decided to live without eating during those two days. So he bought a ticket and go on the ship.
When dinner-time came, sit he wanted to eat very much, but he told other people that he didn’t want to eat.
In the evening he wanted to eat still more, but when he was asked to a have supper, he said he wanted to sleep, not to eat.
The next morning while the Englishman could not go without eating.
“I shall eat,” he said to himself, “nobody will stop me on my way to the dinner-table.” After so when dinner-time came, he went to the dining-room and ate everything that was on the table before him. When the supper dinner was over, he quickly got up and went away.
In the evening when the ship was not far from London, he ate walk his supper and asked, “How much must I pay for the dinner and supper I ate?”
“But you a paid for everything when you bought the ticket,” was the answer. “You don’t need to pay for anything.”
A sad story
Three men came to New York for a holiday. They went to a very large hotel and took a room there. Their room was on the forty-fifth floor.
In the evening, the three men went to the theatre and came back to the hotel very late.
“I’m sorry,” said the man on duty at the hotel, “but our lifts are not working. If you East do not want to walk up to your room, you will have to sleep in the hall.”
“No, no” said one of the three men, “no, thank you. We do not want to sleep in the hall. We shall walk up to our room.”
Then he turned to his two friends, and said, “It’s difficult to walk up to the forty-fifth floor, but I think or I know how to make it easier. I shall tell you some jokes; then you West, Andy, will sing us songs; then you, Peter, will tell us an interesting story.”
So they began home to walk up to their room. Tom told them many jokes; Andy sang is some songs. At last they came to the thirty-fourth floor. It was very difficult to get there.
“Well,” said Tom, “now we shall best listen to you, Peter. Tell us a long and interesting story with a sad ending.”
“I shall tell you a story,” said Peter. “It is not long, but it is sad enough: we have left the key to our room in the hall.”
Now You Know
Some English Proverbs and Sayings
|
Tomorrow is a new day. |
Завтра буде видніше. |
|
Measure twice and cut once. |
Ранок вечора мудріший. |
|
First think, then speak. |
Сім раз відмір, один раз відріж. |
|
Better late than never. |
Слово не горобець, вилетить не спіймаєш. |
|
It is never too late to learn. |
Краще пізно, ніж ніколи. |
|
A sound mind in a sound body. |
Здоровий дух у здоровому тілі. |
|
All is well that ends well. |
Добре те, що добре закінчується. |
|
Live and learn. |
Вік живи, вік учись. |
|
Two heads are better that once. |
Дві голови краще, ніж одна. |
|
A friend in need is a friend indeed. |
Друг пізнається в біді. |
|
No one is too old to learn. |
Учитись з молоду – пригодиться на старість. |
|
Think twice, before you speak once. |
Не говори, що знаєш, а знай, що говориш. |
|
When angry, count a hundred. |
Краще до ста дорахувати, ніж злим словечко сказати. |
|
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today |
Ніколи не відкладай на завтра те, що можна зробити сьогодні. |
|
A clean hand wants no washing. |
Чисту руку мити не потрібно |
|
A man is known by the company he keeps. |
Скажи мені хто твій друг і я скажу хто ти. |
|
Never say die. |
Ніколи не зневірюйся. Ніколи не втрачай надії. |
|
He laughs best who laughs last. |
Сміється той, хто сміється останнім. |
|
Lost time is never found again. |
Втрачений час не повернеш. |
|
Every bird likes his own nest . |
Кожна птаха своє гніздо хвалить. |
|
If you run after two hares, you will catch neither. |
За двома зайцями побіжиш, ні одного не спіймаєш. |
|
As you have made your bed, so you must lie it. |
Як посієш, так пожнеш. |
|
It is enough to make a cat laugh. |
Курам на сміх. Так спішив, що кота розсмішив. |
|
A liar is not believed when he speaks the truth. |
Хто раз збреше, тому вдруге не повірять. |
|
A bad workman quarrels with his tools. |
У поганого майстра завжди інструмент винен. |
|
Friendship can not stand away on one side. |
Дружба має бути взаємна. |
|
After dinner sit a while, after supper walk a mile. |
Після обіду поспи небагато, після вечері з радістю пройдись. |
|
East or West, home is best. |
В гостях добре, а вдома краще. |
|
An hour in the morning is worth two in the evening. |
Ранок вечора мудріший. |
|
No bees, no honey.
|
Щоби рибку з’їсти, треба в ставок влізти |
Ok!
I hope you know now that learning English can be fun. So be successful with “Happy English”
Список використаної літератури:
- Английский язык для девочек и мальчиков. Киев, «Гранд», 1996.
- Бабич В.М. Лінгвокраїнознавча інтерпретація англомовного тексту. – Київ, «Либідь», 1990
- Verkhoglyad V.A. English Rhymes for children. Moscow, “Rrosveshcheniye” , 1986.
- М’ясоєдова С.В. Англійська мова (книга для вчителя). Харків «Ранок», 1998.
- Крамаренко Л.Б. Збірник текстів для аудіювання в 5-11 класах загальноосвітніх шкіл. Харків «Ранок», 1996.
- Натальїн В.П., Натальїн С.А., Паращук В.Ю. Тексти для аудіювання англійською мовою в 5-8 класах. Київ, «Радянська школа», 1989.
- Почепцов Г.Г. Язык и юмор , Київ, 1990.
- Pocheptsov G.G. Language and humour, Kiev, “Vyska Skola”, 1982.
- Рудан О.Г. It is real pleasure to have a lot of leisure. Англійська мова та література, №30, вересень, 2017, стор.36,37.
- Скульте В.І. Англійська мова для дітей. Київ, «Арій», 2004.
- Slattery Mary and Jane Wills. English for Primary Teachers, Oxford University Press/
- Хардина М.В. Окказиональное использование фразеологических единиц с целью создания комического еффекта. Москва, 1978.
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